What I've been thinking about today, is that much of art making is about decision making. There are times in my life when it feels difficult to be decisive, to actually take steps in a particular direction, leaving behind, at least momentarily, the myriad other options that I've been considering.
Part of the discomfiture of making a decision is thinking that it might be the wrong one, and I've certainly done a lot of this particular type of thinking throughout my life. Life management via cognitive dissonance! Always looking in the rearview mirror at what might have been had I made a different decision. That's because I haven't always been happy with my decisions once I've made them. Consequently over the years I've become a little less flexible about life in general and the unforeseen things that happen as a result of the choices I've made.
So I try to have some degree of control over how things turn out, and in art making that means having a good working knowledge of materials and what they're likely to do under different conditions and circumstances. And I also try to get as much information as possible, within financial and time constraints, to help me negotiate amongst options.
But sooner or later I've just got to make the decisions that are right in front of me to make, and get on with it. Despite the fact that I'm already four or five projects down the road, in my mind, before actually executing even the first one. I do get ahead of myself!
So today I decided on a pattern for my forthcoming woven fabric cum art cloth. The first woven one, anyway. And I dyed some 10/2 silk noil yarn for a piece of knitted fabric cum art cloth.
I mentally tinker around with a multitude of ideas, considering lots of variables and options, and then some momentary inspiration will drive the decision I ultimately make.
Just thinking about all this, here and now, makes me feel a tad bit more comfortable with the art-making decision-making process. I can begin to let go of my fear of making the wrong decision, because in fact, I have MADE a decision and what will follow that will be many more decisions along the way as I explore the process of making. I've embarked on a path. It's likely somewhat different than the path would be had I made a different initial decision. But there's no right or wrong. It will get me where I'm headed for now. The point of power in all this is in actually making that initial decision. It might be downhill from here.
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